Space

Sometimes I wonder what kind of life I actually want. If you look at my day-to-day existence, I thrive on a schedule. I schedule time for work and play and my calendar is often booked weeks in advance with little wiggle room. I love this pace, or so I think...

But, weekends like this one, where I leave my life and go away, with no schedule, no agenda, no plan; I somehow feel more like myself. I have space...to think, breathe, laugh, reflect, walk, pray. To hear the whisper of God's voice in a way that seems foreign these days.

Days spent going for long walks, reading my new love (Jasper Fforde), rocking babies, helping with meals, cleaning up and sitting around and talking are full and  rich.

Do I need to move? To find a place where life is just slower, time more fluid? Or, is it possible to create tiny pockets of space every week? Space with no agenda, space to just be.

Having a Voice

Standing outside today in the cold and wet, holding a sign to "Save Public Education in BC" gave me ample time to consider what it means to have a voice. In my ideal world, I would be Switzerland, maintaining enough balance and perspective to have both sides in a debate like me and appreciate my neutrality.

However, this week, as a public school teacher, I have been forced to pick a side. In the face of the proposed legislation that would effectively cut the teacher's union off at the knees, forty-thousand teachers in BC have walked off the job.

It is a surreal experience to have people from all walks of life and levels of understanding have opinions on who I am and what I do and essentially what I am worth? 

And, at the end of the day, everyone has a right to their opinion on the matter. What is good education? How can we create an equitable system that gives children the best opportunity to succeed in life?

It is this voice and opinion and the right to both of these in a democratic system that concerns me the most. As a teacher, future parent and voting citizen, my hope is that we will continue to have a province where we all have the right to express our opinions. And, that we provide each of our children with an education that gives them the confidence and social awareness to express their opinions and to stand up and value their voice.

Filter much?

In daily interactions, my conversation filters are high walls of etiquette and social norms that prevent me from blurting out what is actually on my mind. Filters, which at times give the perception from me being a much nicer person, than I actually am. I have often wondered what would happen if people could actually hear my inner voice.

I can't believe you are wearing that.

How could you be so stupid?
  
The problem is that even though I know that just saying nice things doesn't actually make you a nice or good person, it is easy to slip into the false safety of public perception and begin to feel pretty good about yourself.

Sitting in church this morning, my pastor said that "having filters is not an indication of being good, but rather an indication of your depravity."

Saying whatever comes to my mind, while perhaps more honest, is not the solution, but rather to consider and deal with my actual thoughts.